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Thursday, June 30, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Tender Hearted
I have always been, as I am sure I always will be, one of those people who stands up when they see an injustice. I cannot simply keep my mouth shut and watch people be rude to someone else when it is not warranted. Sure there are times when people say or do something and your natural reaction is to be rude to someone else. But, I'm talking about 100% nonwarranted, unprovoked rudeness and bullying.
Bully you say.... wait? Aren't you 26. YEP! This past term of school has been rotten. Personally, my grades are up, I'm up to date in class and on a roll. But take academics out, I have become public enemy number 1. My standing up for someone else has caused a massive, ridiculous, childish backlash at me. Suddenly my name is flying around the school as well as online. Now, I am 26, I am married, I have children....my response is to blow it off to a point. But at some point do I not have the right to feel comfortable in the classroom?
I have this big tough exterior, I know that. But I'm really tender hearted. I take everything to heart, even when it should go in one ear and out the other. It tends to take a detour through my heart. I wonder why I chose the field of criminal justice to begin with. I don't do so well with conflict or yelling when it's personal. To put it lightly, I can't stand conflict.
I suppose I can just go with my original response which was to switch to all online classes.....or I can suck it up, get over it and move on. The situation sucks!
Bully you say.... wait? Aren't you 26. YEP! This past term of school has been rotten. Personally, my grades are up, I'm up to date in class and on a roll. But take academics out, I have become public enemy number 1. My standing up for someone else has caused a massive, ridiculous, childish backlash at me. Suddenly my name is flying around the school as well as online. Now, I am 26, I am married, I have children....my response is to blow it off to a point. But at some point do I not have the right to feel comfortable in the classroom?
I have this big tough exterior, I know that. But I'm really tender hearted. I take everything to heart, even when it should go in one ear and out the other. It tends to take a detour through my heart. I wonder why I chose the field of criminal justice to begin with. I don't do so well with conflict or yelling when it's personal. To put it lightly, I can't stand conflict.
I suppose I can just go with my original response which was to switch to all online classes.....or I can suck it up, get over it and move on. The situation sucks!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Harman Happenings.
Chaos as usual! Right now we still have five dogs. Boss is unfortunately, still here :( He is so ready for a home and I can't wait for him to get that. In the mean time, everyone is running a freakin muck!
Bark! Bark! Bark! Growl! CRASH!
Makes for some very long days at home. We are all a bit stir crazy from this horrible weather. It is damn near the end of April and it has been 50 degrees and rainy all week. Stir crazy isn't even the word anymore I think we've all gone nuts!
Lots of changes going on around here though. I have been tossing around the idea of entering the military after I finish my bachelors degree. The bonus of this is that I could go in as an officer and hold a higher ranking, and also be able to be an MPO. The down side of this, time away from my boys....and the military no longer allows pit bulls on any bases. Which is a whole other story of complete idiocy! IDK, I've all but tossed the idea out now, I just want to be home with Tim and Colton and be able to spend time with them and the dogs.
In two weeks Tim changes buildings and shift! I CANNOT WAIT! He will only be working Saturday through Monday 6pm to 6am. Which means he will be home all week and I can breathe a little easier with the extra help. Right now it seems I am running around all the time and the only chance I get to actually do my homework is at 1030 at night after school. And by that point I'm exhausted. Needless to say, I'm falling behind in my classes.
On Monday Colton will be 8 years old. I can't believe it. Time just flies right by! He is getting so big and grown up. He's doing awesome in school! He got really good grades this last term and has only had one character check come home all year. I can't even begin to explain how proud of him I am. He's doing so well.
I suppose, while Colton is away at John's for the next two days I should get some homework done.....
As I type this the couch is all but being tipped over by Cash and Boss.... maybe I'll do some homework later. *Rolling eyes*
Bark! Bark! Bark! Growl! CRASH!
Makes for some very long days at home. We are all a bit stir crazy from this horrible weather. It is damn near the end of April and it has been 50 degrees and rainy all week. Stir crazy isn't even the word anymore I think we've all gone nuts!
Lots of changes going on around here though. I have been tossing around the idea of entering the military after I finish my bachelors degree. The bonus of this is that I could go in as an officer and hold a higher ranking, and also be able to be an MPO. The down side of this, time away from my boys....and the military no longer allows pit bulls on any bases. Which is a whole other story of complete idiocy! IDK, I've all but tossed the idea out now, I just want to be home with Tim and Colton and be able to spend time with them and the dogs.
In two weeks Tim changes buildings and shift! I CANNOT WAIT! He will only be working Saturday through Monday 6pm to 6am. Which means he will be home all week and I can breathe a little easier with the extra help. Right now it seems I am running around all the time and the only chance I get to actually do my homework is at 1030 at night after school. And by that point I'm exhausted. Needless to say, I'm falling behind in my classes.
On Monday Colton will be 8 years old. I can't believe it. Time just flies right by! He is getting so big and grown up. He's doing awesome in school! He got really good grades this last term and has only had one character check come home all year. I can't even begin to explain how proud of him I am. He's doing so well.
I suppose, while Colton is away at John's for the next two days I should get some homework done.....
As I type this the couch is all but being tipped over by Cash and Boss.... maybe I'll do some homework later. *Rolling eyes*
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Family
And as my body comes off of all these hormones I'm confronted with even more questions, demons and emotions. Over one mountain and off to the other.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Sunday
I have nothing productive to say lately...thus my lack of postings. We'll go with my week in pictures.
Friday, March 25, 2011
No Sugar Here
Pist off and mad about it!
Texas Hippie Coalition
Just got back from the doctor. First, let's note they moved me to an obstitrician from my midwife. Which is expected, I knew she wouldn't be able to see me forever. But this guy I have to see now....is about amillion years old. He's real nice and he's funny but I wish I would have known who he was before just walking in the room.
So anyways, he doesn't think I have cysts or palaps or anything. He thinks the provera has thinned out my uterus. Because I am not ovulating, so all it was doing is shredding out the lining of my uterus. Great! All this for nothing!! So he did a pelvic exam, let me tell you, absolutely not what I wanted to do today! Not that I would ever want to but you know. He didn't see anything abnormal. For the third time during the appointment, he changes up the plan. Now, I have to do a "medical dnc" so bascially I have to take 4 birth control pills a day for five days. After that, I should get a "period" and five days after that I can start clomid. Then he wants to see me again somewhere around the 25th day of the cycle to see if I'm ovulating. This and continue taking metformin.
Then he also tells us that Tim is "sub fertile." Meaning it is possible for him to father children, with some work. Work? More work? Are we just sinking deeper into a black hole? Are we putting ourselves on an emotional rollercoaster that is going nowhere? They're having him redo the semenalysis. Tim is not thrilled. But, like I told him, I'm pumping myself with meds, being poked and proded and everything else....I don't think one plastic cup is too much to ask from him.
I'll just put it bluntly, I am pissed. I don't understand how I could get pregnant at 17, and then again at 21 while I was in a horrible relationship and yet, we've been trying for four year, are married, and settled and we have to jump hoops? Where were those hoops 8 years ago? I'm beyond frustrated.
Why can't I be one of those women that blinks and gets pregnant? Why are so many women able to have tons of babies that they cannot afford or care to take care of and yet....here we are! I think I have shed every last tear I have over this whole thing. Four years of inactively trying, a total of 1 year actively trying. I'm frustrated.
I am absolutely frightened of what will happen if we cannot have more kids. Tim is an amazing dad to Colton. He does everything and more for him. Far beyond what Colton's biological dad would ever care to do. But I know it is not the same, even though he sees both of my children as his own, it's not the same. And everytime another family member or friend has a baby I know he's right there with me feeling left out.
We will keep pushing on, because that's the only thing we know how to do. But we are wounded and bruised.
Texas Hippie Coalition
Just got back from the doctor. First, let's note they moved me to an obstitrician from my midwife. Which is expected, I knew she wouldn't be able to see me forever. But this guy I have to see now....is about amillion years old. He's real nice and he's funny but I wish I would have known who he was before just walking in the room.
So anyways, he doesn't think I have cysts or palaps or anything. He thinks the provera has thinned out my uterus. Because I am not ovulating, so all it was doing is shredding out the lining of my uterus. Great! All this for nothing!! So he did a pelvic exam, let me tell you, absolutely not what I wanted to do today! Not that I would ever want to but you know. He didn't see anything abnormal. For the third time during the appointment, he changes up the plan. Now, I have to do a "medical dnc" so bascially I have to take 4 birth control pills a day for five days. After that, I should get a "period" and five days after that I can start clomid. Then he wants to see me again somewhere around the 25th day of the cycle to see if I'm ovulating. This and continue taking metformin.
Then he also tells us that Tim is "sub fertile." Meaning it is possible for him to father children, with some work. Work? More work? Are we just sinking deeper into a black hole? Are we putting ourselves on an emotional rollercoaster that is going nowhere? They're having him redo the semenalysis. Tim is not thrilled. But, like I told him, I'm pumping myself with meds, being poked and proded and everything else....I don't think one plastic cup is too much to ask from him.
I'll just put it bluntly, I am pissed. I don't understand how I could get pregnant at 17, and then again at 21 while I was in a horrible relationship and yet, we've been trying for four year, are married, and settled and we have to jump hoops? Where were those hoops 8 years ago? I'm beyond frustrated.
Why can't I be one of those women that blinks and gets pregnant? Why are so many women able to have tons of babies that they cannot afford or care to take care of and yet....here we are! I think I have shed every last tear I have over this whole thing. Four years of inactively trying, a total of 1 year actively trying. I'm frustrated.
I am absolutely frightened of what will happen if we cannot have more kids. Tim is an amazing dad to Colton. He does everything and more for him. Far beyond what Colton's biological dad would ever care to do. But I know it is not the same, even though he sees both of my children as his own, it's not the same. And everytime another family member or friend has a baby I know he's right there with me feeling left out.
We will keep pushing on, because that's the only thing we know how to do. But we are wounded and bruised.
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