Pist off and mad about it!
Texas Hippie Coalition
Just got back from the doctor. First, let's note they moved me to an obstitrician from my midwife. Which is expected, I knew she wouldn't be able to see me forever. But this guy I have to see now....is about amillion years old. He's real nice and he's funny but I wish I would have known who he was before just walking in the room.
So anyways, he doesn't think I have cysts or palaps or anything. He thinks the provera has thinned out my uterus. Because I am not ovulating, so all it was doing is shredding out the lining of my uterus. Great! All this for nothing!! So he did a pelvic exam, let me tell you, absolutely not what I wanted to do today! Not that I would ever want to but you know. He didn't see anything abnormal. For the third time during the appointment, he changes up the plan. Now, I have to do a "medical dnc" so bascially I have to take 4 birth control pills a day for five days. After that, I should get a "period" and five days after that I can start clomid. Then he wants to see me again somewhere around the 25th day of the cycle to see if I'm ovulating. This and continue taking metformin.
Then he also tells us that Tim is "sub fertile." Meaning it is possible for him to father children, with some work. Work? More work? Are we just sinking deeper into a black hole? Are we putting ourselves on an emotional rollercoaster that is going nowhere? They're having him redo the semenalysis. Tim is not thrilled. But, like I told him, I'm pumping myself with meds, being poked and proded and everything else....I don't think one plastic cup is too much to ask from him.
I'll just put it bluntly, I am pissed. I don't understand how I could get pregnant at 17, and then again at 21 while I was in a horrible relationship and yet, we've been trying for four year, are married, and settled and we have to jump hoops? Where were those hoops 8 years ago? I'm beyond frustrated.
Why can't I be one of those women that blinks and gets pregnant? Why are so many women able to have tons of babies that they cannot afford or care to take care of and yet....here we are! I think I have shed every last tear I have over this whole thing. Four years of inactively trying, a total of 1 year actively trying. I'm frustrated.
I am absolutely frightened of what will happen if we cannot have more kids. Tim is an amazing dad to Colton. He does everything and more for him. Far beyond what Colton's biological dad would ever care to do. But I know it is not the same, even though he sees both of my children as his own, it's not the same. And everytime another family member or friend has a baby I know he's right there with me feeling left out.
We will keep pushing on, because that's the only thing we know how to do. But we are wounded and bruised.
Have you considered switching to Femera for ovulation induction over the Clomid? Clomid does have that nasty side effect of thinning the endometrium lining (not to mention the hormonal side effects...ugh.) and Femera does not. I switched to it after doing a year of clomid with estrogen to thicken the lining and then switched to Femera. No side effects and I ovulated much more productively on Femera. Down side, it can be more expensive sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI have been TTC for 11 years, and have been a nurse for many of those years, and I can honestly say the only reason why I would prefere Clomid over Femera in the infertility world is for people who are hoping for twins. Clomid does slightly increase your chances of twins, where as Femera does not.
Just my two cents.